Cup Of Coffee
by desoul
Summary: The end of his relationship with Wufei sinks Duo into a depression he can't seem to get out of.


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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is owned, most likely, by some very rich people in Japan. The song, "Cup of Coffee", is by Garbage. I'm a poor college girl…. And I can't sing/song write worth half a cent. So don't sue.

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Warnings: Break up 2x5x2 fic. Realize that this means it's an angsty shounen ai sort of thing. Boy wants boy, boy can't have boy, boy cries over boy. Duo's the main character, as he was always my favorite and I simply love to see him dead or unhappy. 

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A/N: This was caused entirely by a late night mood after a friendship break up and finished almost a year post-fact while in a good mood. Apologies in advance for an overly weepy Duo. Reviews are always terribly appreciated.

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Cup of Coffee

By desoul

_  
You tell me you don't love me   
Over a cup of coffee   
And I just have to look away _

The diner was really little more than a whole in the wall downtown, the type of place Duo knew Wufei would never frequent on his own. Yet when the Chinese ex-pilot had suggested they go somewhere to talk, it had been the only place Duo had thought of visiting. Usually more than half empty, it was unlikely that anyone would sit near them, much less that they'd be interested in their conversation, and if Wufei felt more comfortable talking about this thing, whatever it was, out of the apartment… Duo supposed it was the best place to go.

To say he was worried would be an understatement. Silence hung between the two tersely, leaving the waitress bringing their coffee to set it at the table and hurry off. The braided American reached for the sugar and, after pouring a few spoonfuls in, dropped the spoon and simply poured the sweetener in with a waterfall of white crystal. Wufei watched with a frown.

"Duo…" the braided teen slid the sugar across the table, even knowing Wufei liked his coffee unadorned. Black, like his hair and the eyes that Duo could usually get lost in, but that were now rejecting him, reflecting him back like glass.

"Fei. Will you please just spit it out already?" he held the spoon in his coffee, waiting to hear this all important news before starting to stir, "I've been on edge all night, waiting to hear this, and I really don't know why we couldn't have just done this at home, in _private,_ if it's really so--"

"Duo, it's over," at the braided boy's blank look, he explained, "I can't see you anymore. I'm moving out tomorrow morning."

__

A million miles between us   
Planets crash into dust   
I just let it fade away 

The spoon never moved, forgotten in his hand. "What? What'dya mean, you 'can't see me anymore'?"

Wufei's old scowl was back from the war days, deeper now if anything as he raked silky hair from his face. "It's just not working. We aren't fit for each other… I need someone more like… like…" he faltered and sighed, "It's just not meant to be and I… I tried, but I can't pretend anymore."

Violet eyes were wide across the table, blinking slowly at their newly ex-lover in a face that had suddenly gone pale. Opening his mouth, Duo suddenly realized how futile it was to argue -- if Wufei wanted to go, he was most likely gone already. This was probably only a formality, this informing your "soul mate" that they simply weren't enough. Their everything wasn't enough. His _life_ hadn't been enough.

"R-right," he nodded dumbly, "Okay. I'll… leave the apartment to you tonight, so you can get your things together, and--" Wufei reached across the table to touch Duo's hand gently, stunned by the sudden gloss in his eyes, but the brunette jerked away, "You can just take what you want. I don't really need that stuff anyway… 'cept the fridge. Might need that." He laughed weakly at the desperate joke as the tears started to fall down his cheeks.

"Duo… Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" He breathed in and it was nearly a sob, "I'm not the one leaving." Duo dug into his jeans pocket and pulled out a few folded bills, drawing out a five and half way flinging it to the table before standing. "Well no, I kinda' am." More shaky laughter. "G-good luck. And everything, And…" Wufei sat, stunned, as his friend fell apart in front of him.

"Duo..!"

"Ja, 'Fei-kun!" And Wufei was left alone before the door swung shut, left staring at twin cups of coffee.

__

I'm walking empty streets   
Hoping we might meet   
I see your car parked on the road 

Duo never spent the night at home anymore, because everything reminded him of Wufei. 'Fei, who had left him in a diner. 'Fei, who didn't love him anymore. He was everywhere, on the couch, in the kitchen… Black strands were still in the hairbrush they'd shared, and he couldn't get away.

He favored the more dangerous parts of the slums, though he never walked by the diner because he knew he'd see their table through the window. He kept his black cap on his head and his black coat collar up, and his hands in his pockets against the winter chill because he was never really 'there' enough to remember something like his gloves.

He'd always borrowed Wufei's before. The Chinese teen had left the fridge, but taken those with him.

Even as Duo made sure to stay out of the places Wufei would ever think of going, taking alley ways rather than avenues, he was always looking for that familiar face with the slanted almond eyes and the shoulder length black hair that fell like satin in shiny waves. More than once, he'd sworn he'd seen the old restored Ford Wufei had bought to get them both to and from work. Work. The people at the office hadn't seen Duo for weeks now, and he'd probably been fired. He hadn't bothered to check the answering machine.

__

The light on at your window   
I know for sure that you're home   
And I just have to pass on by 

It was only much later that he found himself taking the route he had so many other times, before the two had moved in together. Duo told himself he had to see him… Had to be sure everything was alright. And yet, when he stood outside the old apartment building, looking up three stories and two windows to the right, he had to back up and away.

The lights were on and shadows were visible through the drawn shades. Two of them. And though Duo couldn't see what they were doing, whether it be talking or dancing or anything else, the fact remained: a month and a half and Wufei had moved on. Wufei had company. Wufei was most definitely fine.

Duo's heart stabbed him with every pulsing beat. It was all a lie for Wufei when they had been together. But then what had he expected? The beautiful Asian had told him as much in the restaurant after all.

__

So no, of course, we can't be friends   
Not while I'm still this obsessed 

The train was empty on the way home, but not quite as much as his own apartment. The floor was littered with various bits of trash, the laundry bin overflowing in the corner and the lone pizza box still on the carpet by the couch where it had been for days. Duo didn't eat much any more.

Shedding his coat and hat as he walked, Duo made it to the bedroom without caring where they fell. Thirteen messages on the answering machine. They played themselves out to deaf ears, even Wufei, number nine, who asked if they could get together sometime just to see each other went unheard. Worried tones didn't bother to float into one ear and out of the other. They didn't even register.

__

I guess I always knew the score   
This is how our story ends 

And as he laid on the bed, still fully clothed, Duo realized that he should have known. He had most definitely been blind, ignoring how Wufei had spent more time out than before, or how the little endearments there had never been many of simply disappeared. Or maybe the way they slept, back to back, even if they went to sleep curled together. All the stereotypical signs had been there, leaving Duo to wonder what he had been waiting for, or if he'd needed a neon sign. He suddenly realized 'Fei hadn't been the only one pretending. His own ignorance had been also a farce.

__

I smoke your brand of cigarettes   
And pray that you might give me a call   
I lie around on bed all day just staring at the walls 

Time crawled slowly, continuing to pass by as Duo laid motionless under the covers. He cried himself to sleep every morning, waking only to gaze blearily at the blinking lights on the answering machine. He couldn't call the Asian boy back, but if Wufei would only call and catch him awake… if only that, then they could talk. Then things could fix themselves and Wufei could move back in and everything would be fine. Then everything would return to how it was before Duo's sky had come crashing down with the sound of the empty apartment meant for two.

But it didn't happen. The calls dwindled and, eventually, seemed to disappear all together, and soon after Duo stopped checking the answering machine at all. He got up, every now and then, staring out the window or at the whitewashed walls, lighting cigarettes just to smell the scent of them. During the last month or so, Wufei had taken to smoking almost constantly. From stress, he'd said, and Duo had assumed he had meant from work.

__

Hanging around bars at night wishing I had never been born   
and give myself to anyone who wants to take me home 

He ran out of cigarettes, and out of money to buy more cigarettes, within a week. They had been his incense, and without them the apartment took on the stale odor of a place unused. Duo had to get away.

He dressed, half-hazardly, his clothing ill-fitting and his hair sloppy and unbraided, and disappeared into the smoky scene of a nearby club, losing himself in the music and the haze of whatever drugs were passed his way. Every morning, he woke up in a new apartment, having no idea where he was or who he was with. Every morning he pasted on a new smile, asking to borrow the shower from men and women alike. 

So no, of course, we can't be friends   
Not while I still feel like this 

Sometimes the nameless, almost faceless individual would join him for a morning quickie, but invariably, afterward, they would ask to make him a cup of post-sex coffee and he would have to leave, a fake number on their pad and a keep in touch tasting sour on his lips. Sealed with a kiss.

On the street he'd look around, trying to figure out how to get back to his lonely place, settling himself, tucking himself in mentally for the long walk back because he never seemed to choose one night stands that lived close to "home".

__

I guess I always knew the score   
This is where our story ends 

Hands shoved deeply into his pockets, his gloves somewhere lost and lonely and forgotten, Duo walked for hours. He had to avoid every place in the city that reminded him even a little of the times he had spent with Wufei. He had to run in loops to avoid the restaurant where they'd had their first date, the hotel Wufei had rented for a long romantic weekend, or the corner they'd stood on, sharing an umbrella, kissing as it poured rain around them.

But he stumbled upon a memory he had almost forgotten, and he stopped, struck. Wufei, always the romantic, had surprised him with a dozen black roses right here, on this block, very nearly on the very square of cement Duo was standing on alone. Roses that he was probably giving to someone else in some shade or another. Maybe yellow or red, maybe some other flower with the word "desire" or "love" attached in strings of sentences on a card. And suddenly Duo graduated. He was no longer crying. He was enraged. He stampeded his way home, flinging his door open with a bang and closing it with an almighty slam.

__

You left behind some clothes   
My belly summersaults   
When I pick them off the floor 

He was through! Duo, he decided, had suffered through more than enough of this depression bullshit. Ranting loudly and clearly, he set about throwing out anything Wufei had forgotten to take with him, empty cigarette cartons were the first to go, and Duo raged, hoping that the sloe eyed pilot could hear him where ever he was. He prayed with all his might that Wufei's new relationship would fall to pieces within hours, because he had seen him through the window shades, after all. He had seen two shadows, after all.

But there was clothing. The bastard had left some clothing. A robe, a few shirts and some pants, all in a traditionally Asian style, all tauntingly beautiful, silken, smelling exactly like him. Duo's anger flew away as quickly as it had landed, hands filled with the fabric, helpless as they raised it to his face and buried him in it. "'Fei…" His mind whirled, surrounded by memories closing in on all sides. He had to get out, dropping the silk and running out the building, almost leaving his keys on the dining room table.

__

My friends all say they're worried   
I'm looking far too skinny   
I stop returning all their calls 

Ten more messages on his answering machine when he eventually returned, the majority of which were from Quatre. Always emphatic, the blond was most likely pulling his hair from his head by now, judging from the panicked edge in his voice.

"Duo! Please Duo, pick up? I…. Hilde saw you… She said you couldn't be eating well. Oh Duo, don't make yourself sick like this…! Duo, I'm so sorry…"

Twirling his unraveling braid around his hand, Duo sat and, for once, listened to the frazzled pilot as he begged and pleaded for him to at least drop by this Christmas. "Just, please… even if for only a few minutes, Duo! I miss you, and so does Trowa, and we're both so worried about you…" The soft voice then gave Duo the directions he would in the unlikely event that he should actually choose to come, and, after reaffirming that Duo could call on him for anything at all, ended the recording by hanging up.

Duo laid back on the bed, only half listening to the remaining messages as they played themselves out. Even Heero had called, and Duo let half of a shadowed grin grace his features, listening to the poor guy fumble through the message without sounding too harsh. Almost everyone had called to say they were worried except Wufei. Pushing his cheek into the rumpled comforter, Duo tugged a bit more firmly on his braid. Why would Wufei call now anyway? They weren't friends, after all. Duo doubted he meant anything at all to the other boy.

A sigh tore itself from his lips as he curled up, looking blankly out of the dirty window to the smudged sky. Even if he meant something to Wufei, it obviously hadn't been enough a few months ago. Duo's swimming eyes closed and he sniffed quietly, rhythmic pulls on his hair keeping him anchored. Maybe he could drop by Quatre's for a few moments for Christmas. If Quatre was really as worried as he sounded, he was likely to ruin the holiday by thinking of his broken friend, and that was the last thing Duo wanted him to do.

__

And no, of course, we can't be friends   
Not while I'm still so obsessed 

Christmas Eve had Duo on the steps of Quatre's smallest mansion, hesitating as he stared at the doorbell. Deciding he was being silly, standing outside as he was, he pressed his finger against the little button and felt the air being pushed from his lungs as someone came to open the door. He suddenly wasn't ready to see Quatre, much less Trowa, and he had started to back away when the door opened fully to reveal the butler.

"Master Duo. Master Quatre is waiting for you in the study. Please come in." The stiff man offered to take his coat, but he refused, wrapping it around himself as he moved slowly down the hallway, dragging his feet as he entered the large study.

His heart stopped, skipping a few beats before resuming with a doubled pace. It wasn't just Quatre celebrating the holiday season in here. It was everyone. Wufei. It was Wufei, looking just as he had those months ago, hair free and flowing down a bit past his shoulders, deep eyes expressive, and staring directly into his own.

And in that moment, no one else existed. It was almost like Gone with the Wind, only there was no love pulling them together. There was loss, anchoring Duo to the floor, and what Duo thought could only be curiosity pushing Wufei to investigate what had kept the other pilot so distant for the past quarter year. 

But why was he bothering? It made no sense to Duo. Anyone could see he wasn't over the break up, as unreasonable as he was being about it. How could anyone expect him to be pleasant now, of all times? How could Wufei expect to go back to the way things were before all of this? Before he had said he had loved him.

With a mental shake of his head, Duo told himself it really didn't matter. Wufei didn't love him now, and he himself couldn't face anymore rejection. Couldn't and wouldn't together meant didn't, so there wouldn't be a friendship between the two, end of story. By the end of this epic realization, Wufei had made his way across the floor, and was now standing an arm's reach from his ex-lover.

__

I want to ask where I went wrong   
But don't say anything at all 

"Duo," violet eyes, widened noticeably, stared at him in response. The braided teen realized that no one would ever say his name like Wufei did. No one else's voice could send the same shivers through him with one word, and he would be tempted to kill the first person who tried. Hate it as he may, these feelings were reserved for the Chinese youth, him alone, and that fact would remain unchanged for as far ahead as Duo could possibly see.

Duo never lied, after all. He may be mistaken every now and then, but lying was simply not one of his faults.

Wufei was waiting, Duo realized belatedly, and he opened his mouth only to find his voice gone. Vocal chords, for once paralyzed, refused to form any words at all. Instead, thin lips closed to form a wane smile, one hand moving into a 'thumbs up' and then a wave as two feet turned him around and walked him out the room. He managed not to run down the stairs or out the door or to the nearest bus stop where he waited to get on and out. It didn't matter where the next bus took him, as long as it was far away from here. From Wufei and the truth that lay hidden somewhere in his eyes.

__

It took a cup of coffee   
To prove that you don't love me 

It didn't matter that a bus came, or that Duo got on and sat in the back. But suddenly the air smelled strongly of coffee and, breathing deeply in memory, he only wanted to cry.


End file.
